Supporting Yourself Is More Than Making Money!

There is no amount of money in the world that can buy us more time.  Nor is there a holier than thou prayer that can make more time miraculously appear.  Twenty-four hours is all we get. Parents do their best to balance, juggle, and manage their time demands in a way that is healthy and productive for their family.  They use the skills and resources they have available.  However, parents of children with special needs cannot always rely on the skills and resources they have to keep their families moving forward. Many of these parents require more skills, resources, and support than parents of typical developing children. 

Prior to our daughter's diagnosis, parental care giving demands were typical for my husband and I.  We participated in social gatherings that were appropriate for an infant or a toddler.  We praised our daughter's numerous developmental milestones. Our time demands, during this period of our life, did not center around our daughter.  I decided to go back to school to pursue another degree while I cared for her at home.  My husband worked full-time and went to college full-time.  We were concerned about many of the same things as other families after having a baby.  And just like many other families, we kept ourselves motivated by continually looking ahead and seeing only success.  We had long, drawn out discussions about the condition of the world, our daughter's education, our business ventures, where we would eventually live, and when we would have another child.  Then one day an early child intervention (ECI) specialist told us she believed our daughter was autistic.

After we received a clinical diagnosis, all time demands centered around our daughter.  We did not spend one more second discussing anything relating to "the future".  Our perception of reality immediately scrolled in from the wide world of known and attainable possibilities to a vast world of inconceivable unknowns.  We became obsessively focused on our little girl.  We lost all sense of time, separated from community and culture, and quickly realized that our society was not set up to understand our autistic daughter and all her needs.  Our understanding, training, and education on "how to survive in this world's system" slowly became worthless. We were not prepared to dive into this huge pool of knowledge containing "what-ifs, how do I do that, where do I go from here", but we did.

Support

Numerous studies reveal the benefits of social support. However, after my daughter's diagnosis, I was in no condition to "socialize" even in a parent support setting. I was too overwhelmed to participate in support meetings, respites, and other social interactions. I was focused on the constant barrage of therapy appointments, managing severe behaviors, homeschooling, and helping my daughter overcome language & communication issues. I felt alone, isolated, and worried all the time.

In hindsight, I wish I would have participated in support meetings and respites during my daughter's early years. Why? Because I desperately needed resources, emotional support, and direction. Support meetings and respite provide these as well as genuine encouragement, new ideas, strategies, and a sense of "I am not alone." Furthermore, support meetings and respites strengthen us, re-balance our minds, and gives us room to breathe. This is important, because we are the active agents in our child and family's lives. We are the ones laying down the foundation upon which they can build and grow. We must take care of ourselves in order to effectively care for our children and family. 

Researchers have shown child early intervention (EI) strategies are most effective when the caregiver's emotional state is stable. Additionally, researchers have also shown that when parents are stressed and exhausted, there is an increase in problem child behaviors in our children.

Support meetings are available all over the city of Houston and in surrounding areas. Check the HARS calendar for one near you.

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